The Freedom of Forgiveness
I have been learning about forgiveness in one of the classes I am taking this year. We have been examining how an inability to forgive can quietly snowball into anger, resentment, bitterness, revenge, retaliation, and even hatred. When we hold onto these emotions, they can grow and shape our perceptions. They can weaken us emotionally, impact our health, and create spiritual blockage — even bondage. This has helped me to realize the depth to which unforgiveness from past relationships can affect present relationships and experiences.
Forgiveness, for me, has always been kind of complicated. I always try to act with integrity and acknowledge when I am wrong. I’ve always been quick to apologize but forgiving was more of a challenge.
I recently found myself in a situation that was complex, confusing, and emotional. I have love for someone from whom I wanted forgiveness and who I also needed to forgive. Another was impacted, which brought even more grief into the situation. I wrestled most with how to hold love, forgive when I haven’t been forgiven, and maintain healthy boundaries all at the same time. To me, those three things felt incompatible.
Through reflection and meditation, the clarity that has emerged for me is rooted in a belief I hold deeply: that everything unfolds exactly as it is meant to. If that is true, then I can assume that each person is doing their best in any given moment with the awareness and capacity that they have. I know from experience that painful situations can always serve a greater good beyond what we can see.
From that reflection, several truths crystallized for me:
Holding onto unforgiveness is a form of judgment and it is not my place to judge another.
Unconditional love requires forgiveness.
Forgiveness is possible and necessary even in someone’s absence.
Healthy loving relationships require healthy boundaries.
My role is to love well, forgive freely, and maintain healthy boundaries.
Recently, a dear friend sent me this quote:
“To love surpasses being loved.” – St. Thomas Aquinas
Many times in my life when I have struggled to forgive, it has been because someone’s actions made me feel unloved or betrayed. My reaction came from hurt. But if loving well is the greater gift and love is the offering, then forgiveness becomes less about what I receive and more about who I choose to be. When I shift my focus from being loved to loving well, there is peace.
If you are carrying resentment, hurt, or unresolved pain and aren’t sure how to move through it, you don’t have to navigate that alone. I have developed a gentle 5 step guided Forgiveness protocol designed to help you release emotional weight while maintaining healthy boundaries and integrity. I am also available for 1 on 1 sessions and would be honored to walk through it with you.
